Confederate Culture Wars: On the Lighter Side

NAR Confed Tree Carving
This tree at the North Anna Battlefield Park has 30 days to comply with the new rule.

The Virginia Department of Nature announced today that the Confederate battle flag will be removed from all trees and bushes in the Commonwealth.

The battle flag on a tree could suggest that the tree is descended from a tree planted in a state where slaveholders once lived, the department said in an issued statement.

“We have been working in conjunction with the Virginia Department of Cultural Heritage and Purging to ensure a safe and unoffensive woodland experience for all Virginians,” department spokesperson Lance Cabella explained.

“Besides,” Cabella said, “Nature is supposed to be peaceful. A battle flag represents battle, which runs contrary to that.”

The Sons of Fallen Confederates have decried the department’s decision.

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like carving a battle flag into a tree with your girlfriend’s initials,” spokesman Nathan Mosby Jackson Lee said. “But apparently now, a tree’s bark really is worse than its bite.”

1 Response to Confederate Culture Wars: On the Lighter Side

  1. Suh,
    As a collateral, sideways, yet always upright descendent of Colonel George Ashley JEB Lee, I appreciate your publicizing our unfortunate shrubbery predicament. Our loyal trees and bushes meant no harm, I assure you!

    Next time you are close, Please drop by for some sweet tea on the veranda.

    I remain, your Obedient Servant,

    Miss Scarlet
    Recording Secretary
    Daughters of Confederate Rosebushes

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